


Desire

by bisexuallaurel



Series: Jimon Week [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, some very vague nsfw theme at the end but nothing explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 11:10:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9721601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexuallaurel/pseuds/bisexuallaurel
Summary: Simon is fucked. And not in the way he’d like to be.Valentine’s Day is coming up and he is very much still single.or, the one where Simon asks Jace to teach him how to flirt in preparation of Valentine's Day.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the promo for 2x07 where Jace teaches Simon how to flirt. It's also written for Day 2 of Jimon Week over at tumblr, for the prompt "Valentine's Day".
> 
> Shoutout to the Jimon NW for supporting me through the writing of this monster, and who put up with all my whining. I love you all to the moon and back!!!
> 
> Cross-posted to tumblr, where I've also posted a graphic:  
> http://bi-magnus.tumblr.com/post/157245454479/jimon-week-day-2-valentines-day-word

Simon is fucked. And not in the way he’d like to be.

Valentine’s Day is coming up and he is still very much single. Hell, he’s even more single than usual, because he actually tried to ask out a girl in his Sociology class and got turned down.

He kind of deserved it though, in hindsight. He’d been stuttering and sweating as he pulled her aside after class one day and said, “D’youwannagetacoffee?” to which she said “Dude, please” and walked off.

Maybe it’s just something about him that turns people off. Maybe he smells weird, or maybe his hair has a life of its own and always messes itself up whenever he’s not looking in a mirror.

All very real possibilities. Or maybe he just doesn’t have game.

The week before Valentine’s, he throws the door open and enters the dorm room with a decisive stride.

Jace, his best friend and roommate, looks up from where he’s lounging on his bed. He frowns as he takes in Simon’s appearance, that can only be described as “determined with a tinge of desperation”.

“Dude, what’s up?” he asks. He slides a thumb between the pages of the book he’s been reading, and puts it down on his stomach.

Simon closes the door behind him and starts moving through the room in big strides, back and forth. He does this for a minute or two. Jace watches him but doesn’t say anything.

Suddenly Simon stops. His fingers twitch against his side.

“I need your help,” he says. He finally makes eye contact with Jace. It doesn’t seem to have an impact on Jace’s growing worry, though.

“Alright, what do you need?” Jace asks. He slides up so his back is against the headboard and then reaches for a bookmark from his desk. He slips it between the pages and puts away the book.

“I…” Simon starts, and then closes his mouth. He tries a few times, but after around 6 attempts he’s still stuck at “I need you to”.

Luckily, Jace has known Simon since they were 6, so he’s more than used to the symptoms of Simon’s anxiety. He pats the bed next to him and urges him to sit down.

Simon climbs onto the bed and plops down in the corner between Jace and the wall. He sighs and stares up at the ceiling. Silence hangs between them for a second before Simon confesses, “I need dating advice.”

He chose this particular way of telling Jace because now he can’t see the expression on Jace’s face, which is a plus. He trusts Jace, he really does, but he’s still afraid of how he’ll react. Simon is used to people laughing at him, but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.

Jace claps him on the shoulder. It’s not a shove and it’s not a caress either. It’s just the necessary amount of contact to get Simon to take a mental step back from his own thoughts and come back to reality. He blinks away the black dots that cloud his vision after staring at one spot for too long. Then he glances at Jace.

Jace isn’t laughing at him. Instead he looks calm and comforting.

Simon takes a breath and attempts a smile, but it’s not very convincing.

“Dude, just tell me what’s going on.”

“It’s almost Valentine’s,” Simon says. “And I tried to… I don’t know how to talk to girls, okay? They’re scary. I don’t know–– I don’t know what to say.”

“Ah,” Jace says, realization dawning on him. “Is this about Maia?”

Simon drops his head into his hands. Through his fingers comes a muffled, “You heard about that?”

Jace sympathetically runs his hand over Simon’s curved back. “Yeah. Everyone did. Sorry buddy, that’s rough.”

“Well then you know how bad I am at this!” Simon says, sitting back up again. “I need help. I was alone last year and it sucked, and I just–– a date would be nice, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.”

Simon waits for him to continue, but he never does. When Simon looks at him to see if he just fell asleep mid-conversation, he finds Jace staring at him. He looks… not sad, exactly, but melancholic.

It quickly smoothes into a smile designed to hide his feelings, but they both know Simon saw his vulnerability for a split second.

“Well, you’ve come to the right person,” Jace says, and claps his hands together. “We’ve got a week, right?”

Simon nods. He narrows his eyes a little at the sudden look in Jace’s eyes. He knows that look. It’s the same look that got them in trouble for drinking beer on the roof of their high school their senior year.

Jace grins.

“Welcome to day 1 of Boot Camp: How To Get The Booty!”

 

**DAY 1**

It’s around noon and the two of them are at the front of the line at a local coffee shop, ordering their drinks. Jace orders for the both of them while Simon shifts uncomfortably.

“You know, I just wanted some general pointers and stuff,” he says as Jace pulls out his wallet to pay. “I didn’t mean––”

Jace cuts him off with a disapproving hum. He pays for the drinks and smiles at the barista as he gets his change. Turning back to Simon he says, “If I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna do this right. When I’m done with you, Lewis, you’ll be the Romeo every Juliet wants to be with.”

“You do know they both died in the end.”

Jace shrugs as he moves from the cash register to the pick-up counter. “We all die at some point.”

Simon doesn’t know what to say to that, so he doesn’t say anything at all.

While they wait for their drinks, Jace starts talking about girls. What they like, what they don’t like, what you should and shouldn’t do with them, and so on.

It’s nice listening to Jace talk. The corners of his mouth twitch when he tells the tale of a date gone wrong. The story involves a trip to the hospital and a broken limb, but Jace wouldn’t specify which one.

They get their drinks and head to a table in the far off corner.

Simon takes a seat and immediately leans back into a comfortable position. After a moment or two he realizes that Jace is still standing. More so, he’s looking at Simon with a pointed expression.

He looks at the chair in front of him, and then back at Simon.

It takes another handful of seconds before Simon connects the dots and jumps out of his chair.

He hurriedly pulls out Jace’s chair and does an awkward little bow.

Jace chuckles under his breath and sits down.

“Lesson one,” he says when they’re both seated. “Always pull out a girl’s chair.”

“What if she doesn’t want me to?” Simon asks. “I tried doing that for Clary when we were kids and she’d just punch me in the arm.”

“Well, at least you offered,” Jace says wisely. “Same goes for doors. You should always offer to open it, but if she wants to do it herself, that’s fine too.”

Simon nods. “Okay. Okay, cool. Should I–– should I be taking notes?”

“No, that’s––” Jace interrupts himself. He grins. “Actually, yes. You should.”

Simon narrows his eyes again. “You know, I have the feeling you’re just using this as an excuse to mess with me.”

Jace puts a hand on his chest in faux offense. “How dare you? I’m just being a good friend.”

“Alright, if you say so.”

“Now,” Jace says, his voice turning serious. “Pretend we’re on a date.”

Simon sputters. “Why?”

“Because you need to practice,” Jace says, an eyebrow raised. “What did you think we were gonna do?”

“I don’t know, just… hang out. Maybe talk?”

“You should consider yourself lucky this boot camp doesn’t involve push-ups.”

That certainly gets Simon’s attention. He _hates_ push-ups.

“Alright. We’re on a date. Now what?”

Jace grins at Simon’s impatience. “First of all. What happened back there?”

Simon stares blankly at him.

“I, uh. What?”

“When we ordered.”

Simon blinks. “I have no idea what you mean, dude.”

Jace looks intently at him, as if he’s urging Simon to remember some repressed memory. When nothing happens, he says, “Who paid?”

Simon thinks back to earlier, and then realization dawns upon him. “Oh. You did.”

“Exactly,” Jace says, a slightly triumphant smile on his lips. “And you didn’t even notice. That’s the goal. You don’t want to brag about it like it’s some huge deal, because that just makes you look like an asshole. You want her to realize it on her way home, and then she’ll think you’re a stand up guy who does nice things without asking for anything in return.”

“You’re actually smarter than I thought.”

“Hey now.”

Simon laughs. “Alright, so pull out the chair and pay for the date. That’s it?”

Jace leans forward slightly and grins. “Oh, Simon. We’re only getting started.”

 

**DAY 2**

“Look, I just don’t understand why it has to be a gay bar.”

“Because of reasons, Simon.”

That’s all the explanation he gets as they file in through the inky black door with the rest of the line. The air smells of smoke and sweat mixed in with some musky overtones. Overhead the otherwise starlit night sky is blocked out by a big pink neon sign.

The bar is quite crowded for a Thursday night. Not that Simon has much to compare with. He can easily count the bar outings in his life on one hand.

Before they left the dorms, he had tried to tell Jace that maybe clubbing wasn’t the best idea on a Thursday night when they had class in the morning, but he had just said they’d be quick. Whatever that meant.

On the other side of the door lies a narrow hallway. The walls are painted a bright pink that is barely distinguishable in the dull light.

They move through the hallway, crowded together between the other people making their way to the heart of the bar. Simon can feel his feet vibrating with every step they take; the rough bass moving through the floor and into his body, making his skin tingle.

Coming out of the hallway, they enter a big room with a spectacularly tall ceiling. Entering the club from the hallway feels like having earphones in and faintly hearing music playing around you, only to then take them out and have the volume turned up to the max. The beat is pulsating through the club, making him slightly dizzy for a second.

He looks up at the blinking lights and the bright spotlights dancing across the room. It’s very pretty but also slightly nauseating.

Something tugs at his sleeve and grabs his attention. Looking down he can see Jace’s mouth moving, but the loud music is effectively drowning out his voice.

Realizing this, Jace leans in close to shout in his ear, “I’m getting drinks!”

His breath is hot against Simon’s skin and it makes a shiver run through him. He blames it on the cold that settled in his bone marrow when they were waiting in line outside.

He nods his understanding and watches as Jace weaves his way through the crowd towards one of the bars.

His anxiety of losing Jace in the crowd prompts him to keep a very close eye on him, which proves difficult in a club filled with way too many people. He thinks he can see the top of Jace’s head but he’s not sure.

Minutes go by and he stays in the exact same spot, his back pressed against the wall so he doesn’t accidentally get swept away with the crowd and end up losing track of where he is.

Suddenly fingers wrap around his forearm as someone comes to stand next to him. He grins and turns to who he assumes to be Jace.

It’s not.

It’s a girl around his age, with short spiky hair and bright brown eyes.

She leans into his space, much like Jace did earlier, and says loudly, “Hi!”

“Hi!” Simon says back, although he doesn’t get quite as close as the girl did. He smiles nervously, not really knowing what to do or say. Cute people never approach him first, so he’s quite taken aback by this turn of events.

“Are you here alone?” the girl asks. Her hand is still on his arm, squeezing gently.

Simon looks at her hand. “Oh uh, no. No, I’m with–– with my friend.” He’s pretty sure he’s blushing, but thankfully the pretty girl can’t see that in the dark.

She smiles and nods to the dancefloor. “Wanna dance?”

Her smile is contagious and he can’t help but reciprocate it. “I-–”

He cuts himself off as he spots Jace coming back towards him. The smile already on Simon’s face grows bigger and then quickly fades.

“Sorry, uh, I gotta–– my friend’s back. Have a, have a good night!” he all but screams at the poor girl.

She looks taken aback, not surprisingly. Simon stares at her for a moment and then bolts in a panic.

He meets Jace halfway across the room, his heart pounding in his chest. Did Jace see him with that girl? He really, really hopes he didn’t.

They’re closer to the source of the music now, so Jace leans in close again and shouts, “I got you a margarita!”

He hands over the drink with a small nod.

“Is it because I’m salty?” Simon shouts back.

It takes a second for the words to register through the pounding music, but once they settle in, a slow grin spreads over Jace’s face.

He clinks their glasses together and takes a sip of his own mysteriously pink drink.

“Do you wanna––”

“Let’s find somewhere quieter!” Jace says.

Simon lets himself be pulled through the crowd and up a spiral staircase to the second flight of the club. As they climb the stairs, Jace ahead of him, Jace’s hand slips down from his wrist.

In hindsight, Simon thinks Jace was probably just pulling back his hand because it was an awkward angle to maintain while they were on different heights of the staircase.

In the moment though, his instincts kick in and he catches Jace’s hand as it falls. His fingers close around Jace’s and he can feel the warmth radiating off Jace’s skin.

It’s only for a second, and then he pulls away like he was burned.

Jace is still steadily climbing the stairs without a single glance back at Simon.

Simon’s face is burning hot and he tries to focus his entire being on just making sure he doesn’t spill his drink.

When he reaches the landing, he decides to act as if nothing happened.

“Here?” he asks, pointing to a corner booth. The music isn’t as loud up here, so there’s no need to shout to be heard.

Jace nods and they sit down.

He leans back against the cushioned backrest and curls his fingers around his drink, slowly tapping his index finger against the chilled glass, quietly regarding Simon.

In the background _Desire_ by Years  & Years is playing.

“Alright,” Simon says. He realizes that his foot is tapping under the table. He’s not sure if he’s tapping along to the music or if it’s his nerves. Either way, he stops. “So what are we doing here?”

“We’re going back to basics,” Jace says. His eyes glitter as the strobing lights illuminate them.

Simon relaxes. “Alright, basics. That I can do.” He takes a sip of his drink.

“Why don’t you just start by telling me what you do when you approach a girl?” Jace says.

Simon ponders this for a second. Then he puts down his glass and leans forward a little.

Jace immediately mirrors him and leans in, too. It’s such a small movement, it’s barely noticeable, but Simon notices. He always does when it comes to Jace.

He lets his eyes roam over Jace, from his chest and up to his eyes, and then a slow grin stretches over his features.

“I’m Lewis,” he says. He instinctively does an awkward one-handed finger gun. “Simon Lewis.”

Jace blinks a few times. Then he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

He leans back in his seat and looks at Simon with what can only be described as intense fondness mixed with incredulity.

“That’s ridiculous,” he says.

“Hey now, why do you think I’m here? I suck at this. I need help,” Simon says, throwing out his hands. “It can’t be a _surprise_ that I suck at this. You’ve known me since we were like 7.”

“6,” Jace corrects him.

Simon rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Are you gonna help me or are you just gonna make fun of me?”

“Can’t I do both?”

Simon wants to stay serious, but he can’t. Once Jace starts grinning, Simon is right there with him.

Once they’ve calmed down a bit, Jace leans back in his seat and smiles.

It’s an almost seductive smile and it makes Simon’s mouth slightly dry. He thinks he must be dehydrated, so he takes another sip of his drink.

“Now,” Jace says, “Let’s talk about flirting.”

 

**DAY 3**

Simon wakes up on the third day of boot camp with a heavy head and an even heavier heart.

Valentine’s is coming closer and closer, and he doesn’t feel any more prepared now than he did a few days ago.

On the contrary, he’s more confused than ever. Last night he and Jace spent several hours at that random gay club Jace took him to. The drinks were tasty and Jace was funny and the music was good. Overall it was an enjoyable night with lots of laughter and even more flirting. Well, educational flirting.

Not that Simon ever doubted it, but it turns out Jace is a very talented flirter. He knows all the right things to say and he even made Simon, one of the most anxious people on earth, feel attractive and comfortable with his well-chosen words.

Simon caught himself beginning to lose touch with reality several times. Jace would shoot him a suggestive smile and Simon would blush like it was actually sincere, which of course it wasn’t. Jace was doing him a favor. Just one friend helping out another friend. That’s what best friends do, after all.

Needless to say, all of that led to a night of restless sleep; thinking, thinking and thinking some more. He never reached a conclusion and came out of the whole ordeal with a headache, if anything.

He’s been awake for at least half an hour now, but he still hasn’t moved. He’s snuggled together under the covers, facing the wall. He’s not sure if Jace has gotten up yet and he doesn’t check.

 _Just another minute_ , he thinks. _Then I’ll get up_.

He closes his eyes, and his mind drifts back to yesterday.

The club. The music. The way the lights illuminated Jace’s heterochromatic eyes and made them glitter.

His eyes snap open.

A heavy weight has landed on top of him with a cry loud enough to shatter his ear drums. A choked noise escapes his throat and he struggles to turn onto his back and instinctively pull the covers over himself.

For a few moments, everything is a blur of fabric and skin as Simon tries to pull the covers up while the intruder tries to pull it down. He starts kicking feebly to free himself, but it doesn’t help. Eventually the intruder stops on top of him and he stops too out of pure confusion.

Slowly, he peels off the covers and peeks out. On top of him is Jace, who is straddling him and grinning down at him.

“Jace...” he says, sleep and confusion piercing his voice. “What are you– what the fuck?”

Jace snatches the edge of the covers and rips them off. Simon squeals and scrambles to get back under the sweet warmth, with no success.

“Class in an hour,” Jace says.

The covers are still on his lower body since Jace is pinning it down over him, but goosebumps are already rising on his arms.

“Then I can sleep another half hour,” Simon groans, and paws at the covers.

Jace bats his hand away.

“Lesson 3,” he declares, his voice much louder than strictly necessary. “How to initiate physical contact.”

Simon gives up struggling with the covers and instead stare blankly up into his best friend’s face.

“What?” he stutters. A shiver runs up his spine.

Jace repeats his words, and Simon shakes his head. “No, I heard you, dumbass. What do you mean?” He looks down at Jace’s hands on his stomach, balancing himself, probably in case Simon tries to wrestle him off the bed. He considers it for a moment, but decides against it.

“Yesterday you learned how to talk to a girl,” Jace says, and his tone makes him sound like he’s talking about some sacred art form. “Today, you’re gonna learn how to physically flirt with one.”

Simon blinks. “You’re taking this so seriously. You’re so weird.”

“I just want you to have a good Valentine’s,” Jace says. “What if you actually get a date? Do you have any idea how to go from eye contact to second base?”

A blush creeps up Simon’s neck and up to the tips of his ears. He sputters, but no coherent words come out.

“Man, it’s okay,” Jace reassures him. His hands move up slightly until they’re resting on Simon’s abs, the covers still between them. It’s a comforting touch, warmth radiating off Jace’s hand and melting into Simon.

Another shiver runs down Simon’s spine, but more intense this time. He feels a familiar coil tightening in the pit of his stomach.

_Oh no._

They feel it at the same time. Simon tries to shift his hips a little but it does more damage than good. Instead of concealing his untimely boner, he ends up rubbing it against Jace which… is not good.

He expects Jace to jump off him and look disgusted.

He doesn’t. Instead he laughs; soft and melodic.

Simon’s face is beet red. He has never been this humiliated.

Jace pats him on the stomach and rolls off. But he doesn’t roll off the bed; instead he rolls to the side of Simon and nestles himself in-between him and the wall.

Simon’s breath hitches in his throat as Jace’s arm rubs against his. What the fuck is happening to him?

“Happens to the best of us,” Jace says. Simon can’t detect any judgment or disgust in his voice and, trust him, he searches for it. Instead Jace sounds… amused, almost intrigued.

Simon huffs and sits up. As he does so, Jace rolls slightly towards Simon as he’s no longer so tightly trapped. He looks up at Simon and pokes him in the side.

“Your bed is comfy,” he says. “I get why you didn’t want to get up.”

Simon frowns down at him. Then an idea forms in his head and before Jace can register the movement, he’s jumped off the bed and yanked off the covers, leaving Jace shivering on the bare bed.

“Hey!”

“See, it’s not so fun,” Simon says. He’s careful to keep his crotch area hidden behind the stolen covers. He bends over and picks up a shirt and a pair of jeans from the floor.

He tries to act casual as he replaces the covers with his clothes, but Jace’s grin reveals that he’s been exposed.

“Alright, I’m taking a shower,” he declares, which only makes Jace’s grin wider. He narrows his eyes and shucks his shirt in Jace’s face. Then he stops, and continues, “Actually, I need that.”

Jace laughs and hands the shirt back. Simon can hear him chuckling all the way to the bathroom.

He takes a very quick shower. He thought it would give him time to think, which is exactly what happens.

Turns out he really doesn’t want to think about this.

So instead he rushes through his shower routine and gets out as soon as he can. With his hair still dripping and creating soaked spots on his t-shirt, he goes back to the dorm in only his boxers and t-shirt.

Jace is lounging on his bed when he enters the room. His bed, as in Simon’s bed.

Simon shoos him off it, to Jace’s vocal dismay.

“Rude,” he huffs, and as soon as Simon has sat down, Jace jumps on the bed again like a disobedient dog.

When Simon fixes him with a _look_ , Jace just shrugs. “Can’t teach you flirting from a distance, can I?”

The words make Simon slightly dizzy so he drops the subject. Instead he bends over and towel dries his hair.

It takes a few minutes and when he straightens up again, his hair is only a little damp. He drops the towel on the floor and looks over at Jace, who is watching him in silence.

When their eyes meet, Jace’s face breaks into a smile as if on cue. “Ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Simon says with a scowl. He’s thankful Jace isn’t bringing up the boner thing, because he’s not sure he could deal with that conversation.

He’s comfortable in his friendship with Jace, but not _that_ comfortable.

“Alright,” Jace says, and drops his legs off the side of the bed and scoots closer to Simon. “Pretend I’m your date.”

“Well I’m an expert on that by now,” Simon quips. He means it as a joke, but Jace raises his eyebrows and he immediately regrets it. Stumbling a little over his words he adds, “B-because of yesterday. At the club. Right? Yeah.”

Jace pushes through it, for which Simon is thankful once again.

“Okay, so I’m the girl you’re trying to flirt with. How would you initiate physical contact?”

Simon thinks about this for a moment. It’s hard to concentrate on the question at hand when all he can think about is the fact that whatever he says, Jace will probably ask him to try it on him.

“I don’t know,” he says eventually. It’s as close to the truth as he can get right now.

“Alright, fair enough. Do you want to try some stuff?”

Simon grins nervously. “Like _that’s_ not intimidating.”

“Hey, it’s fine,” Jace tells him. His voice is a bit softer now, but it still has that familiar undertone of teasing. “It’s just me, right? Best friends, yeah?”

Simon nods. Then he nods again, with more conviction.

This is _Jace_ , for God’s sake. His best friend; his confidante; his other half. His platonic other half. Okay, maybe it’s more like he’s his other… third, because Clary is also his best friend, but whatever. That’s not the important part.

What matters is that Simon trusts Jace with his life. Jace would never do anything to make him feel uncomfortable or unsafe.

“The most important thing is to not go too fast,” Jace says.

Simon nods slightly to indicate that he’s listening. He’s looking at a spot somewhere to the right of Jace’s knee. In the corner of his eye he sees Jace move his hand to Simon’s knee.

It’s a very light touch, and if he hadn’t seen it with his own eyes, he probably wouldn’t have felt it. But now he does. He very much feels it.

Jace’s voice drops an octave as he continues, “You don’t want to scare her away. Taking your time is key.”

His fingers curl into Simon slightly and Simon’s knee bounces involuntarily.

Jace chuckles, but Simon can’t bring himself to do anything other than wait for Jace’s next move.

Apparently step two is sliding your hand up the thigh, because that’s what Jace does. He simultaneously leans in ever so slightly.

Simon swallows roughly and dares a glance at Jace.

Jace’s eyes are locked on his and there’s a strange look in his eye. It’s a new shade of flirtatious that Simon hasn’t seen before. It makes him a little weak in the knees, to be honest, and he finds himself relieved they’re not doing this standing up.

“Then,” Jace says, almost in a whisper. He lifts the hand that’s not on Simon’s thigh and slowly tucks a stray strand of hair behind Simon’s ear. His hand lingers there for a moment, halfway between stroking his hair and cupping the back of his head.

His eyes leave Simon’s for a moment and Simon could’ve sworn they dart down to his mouth. Damn, Jace is really good at this. This being acting, of course.

“Then what?” Simon hears himself say. Why is his voice so raspy? What is happening?

Jace’s eyes find his again, and Simon can feel the hand on his thigh sliding even higher up. Jace’s tongue darts out to wet his lips and Simon follows the movement with a hawk’s attention to detail.

“Then,” Jace repeats quietly, leaning in ever so slightly closer. Simon doesn’t dare blink, or breathe, or do anything that could ruin what is happening right now. With no warning, Jace leans back and puts his hands in his lap. He grins. “Then you kiss her.”

Simon blinks quickly. “Y-yeah?”

Jace nods confidently. “If she hasn’t pulled away at that point, she wants you to kiss her. Guaranteed.”

Simon tries not to think about how he didn’t pull back himself and what that implies.

He’s still trying to think of something to say that doesn’t totally expose his confusion when Jace gets to his feet. He claps Simon on the shoulder and smiles.

“Class in 15, dude,” he says, and goes to sit down on his own bed on the other side of the room. He pulls a hoodie from the floor and smells it cautiously. Then he shrugs and pulls it over his head.

His t-shirt rides up slightly over his stomach as he wrestles himself into the slightly big hoodie. A sliver of skin is revealed; smooth, soft-looking skin.

Simon looks away.

**DAY 4**

“Honestly, Jace, you’re taking this too far,” Simon says as they’re walking down the street side by side.

Jace just grins at him. “You can keep whining if you want, but this is happening.”

“But I have enough clothes,” Simon argues. He tugs at the sweatshirt he’s wearing. “See? Not a single hole.”

Jace gives him a once over and shakes his head. “You can’t wear that on a date. Trust me.”

“Well, you’re gonna have to pay because I’m not––”

“Of course,” Jace says immediately.

Simon’s mouth drops open. He meant it as a joke.

“Dude, no, I’m kidding.”

“I’m not,” Jace says. He smiles; big and bright, and for a moment Simon thinks that Jace holds all the light in the universe in his body.

When Simon keeps staring at him, he just shrugs and says, “Come on, you know my parents have more money than they deserve.” He grins. “Besides, I’m having fun. And I’m not doing anything for Valentine’s so I might as well spend the money I save from that on my best bud.”

They’ve arrived at the clothing store Jace has picked out. As they walk in, Simon touches Jace’s arm briefly and asks, “Why don’t you have any plans?”

Jace shrugs. His eyes are roaming around the store, already in pursuit. “Not feeling it, I guess.”

Simon doesn’t press. Instead they focus on shopping.

After half an hour of strolling through the store and looking through their selection, Jace hands him a pile of clothes to try on and tells him to go ahead to the changing rooms.

“I’ll be there in a sec, I gotta get some socks,” Jace tells him.

Simon nods and goes to the changing rooms. More than half of the stalls are empty, so he indulges himself and picks the largest one.

He closes the door behind him, distributes the clothes on a handful of hooks attached to the wall and starts thumbing through the items.

He’d let Jace take full control of what he’d try on because, well, the point of this week was for Simon to learn, and how could he learn if he wouldn’t let Jace do what he thought was best?

Even despite the awkwardness of yesterday, Simon is really having fun with this challenge. It’s fascinating seeing the inner workings of Jace’s mind when it comes to dating. As they’d strolled through the store earlier, he’d told Simon everything about how he chooses a date outfit, and Simon would have never in his life imagined that the process could be that complicated.

Simon usually just picks a clean shirt and maybe a pair of pants that are a little tighter than he’d usually wear, and he’s set. But not Jace, no. He has a whole routine, impeccably executed and perfected.

Simon decides to try on a plain black button-up first.

It’s alright. Nothing special, really. It fits quite well and makes his shoulders look a bit broader than they are, which he guesses is nice. It doesn’t really make him jittery with happiness though.

He’s on his third shirt by now, inspecting seams and the way his back looks in it, when there’s a quick succession of knocks on the door.

“Simon?” Jace calls.

“Yeah?”

“Can I come in?”

Simon turns and pushes the door open with some difficulty. Jace peers in and gives Simon a quick once over before slipping in and letting the door close behind him.

He sits down on the stool in the corner of the stall, next to the full size mirror.

“Where’s the socks?” Simon asks, noticing Jace’s empty hands.

He shrugs. “I didn’t find any fun ones. Only blacks and greys everywhere.”

Simon hums. Then he turns to the clothes he hasn’t tried yet.

“You know, there’s a lot of black,” he says with a light accusatory tone.

“What’s wrong with black?” he doesn’t seem to connect the hypocrisy at first, but when he finally does he says, “There’s a difference with socks. They’re supposed to be, like, the pop of color in your outfit.”

Simon shrugs. “I still think you should branch out a little.”

Jace cranes his head to look at the clothes hanging above his head, and tugs on a black button-up with a deep lilac floral pattern. “What about this? There’s some colour.”

“Flowers?” Simon asks cautiously. “Are you sure?”

Jace raises his eyebrows. “Since when are you against flowers? You cried when one of your plants died just last week.”

“Don’t remind me,” Simon huffs. “But isn’t it… I don’t know. I thought you weren’t supposed to…”

“Honestly, don’t get hung up on what you’re supposed to do. That’s usually bullshit.”

“Then what are we doing here? If it’s just bullshit?”

Jace thinks of this for a moment. “Well, _other_ people’s expectations are bullshit. Mine are just sound.”

He grins and Simon smacks him on the arm.

“Whatever. I’ll try it,” he says.

He starts unbuttoning the shirt he currently has on. When he gets to the third button, he slows down. Is he supposed to feel weirded out that Jace is still here, watching him undress?

_Don’t get hung up on what you’re supposed to do._

Well, who is he to argue with that?

He shrugs off the shirt and starts putting it back on the hanger, when Jace takes it from his hands and does it for him.

Simon smiles, a tiny almost invisible smile, and picks up the next shirt.

He puts it on and buttons it. Facing the mirror, he turns slowly.

It’s a little tight, but not in a bad way. The deep black looks really good with his skin and the purple is just bright enough to give it a pop of color without being too noticeable.

“What do you think?” Simon asks, his eyes still on his reflection.

Jace doesn’t answer immediately, so Simon turns to him to ask if it’s really that bad. Jace doesn’t look horrified, though. Instead he looks… intrigued. Impressed? Simon can’t quite put his finger on it, but there’s something in the way Jace looks at him that makes his knees weak.

He’s about to keep talking, because whenever things get quiet his instinct is to talk, when Jace says, “You look incredible.”

Simon smiles shyly. “Yeah?”

Jace nods. He’s smiling too. “I’d definitely go with that.”

Simon does another spin. He can feel Jace’s eyes on him as he slows to a stop.

“Alright then. How much is it?” he asks. “Because––”

Jace waves him off. “I told you, it’s a gift.”

“Jace…”

It’s always been kind of a _thing_ in their friendship that Jace comes from a very rich family while Simon’s is more on the average side. They’re definitely not poor, but he can’t really afford to buy anything he wants like Jace can. It’s given him some insecurities over the years, but he’s gotten better at handling it.

He still feels a bit awkward being gifted with expensive clothes, though. At least clothes that are expensive to a broke college student.

“Look,” Jace says, crossing his legs as he speaks. “You know this comes from a place of love, but you suck at treating yourself. I’m always telling you to like, buy a damn ice cream or something. Just let me do a nice thing for you, okay? You can get me back later if you want.”

Simon pouts. “Okay. But how much is it?”

Jace grins victoriously. “I’m not telling you.” He stands up and starts thumbing through the clothes that Simon still haven’t tried on.

He holds out a pair of slim, black jeans to Simon. “Try these.” He sits down again, and crosses his legs. He looks expectantly at Simon.

Simon decides then and there to just roll with it. He’s not going to keep obsessing over what social codes demand for this and that situation. If Jace is okay with it, then so is he.

So without hesitation, he takes off his pants and tries on the jeans. He doesn’t look up as he changes, but he can feel Jace’s eyes on him.

“So?” he asks, spinning for Jace.

He doesn’t go shopping with people a lot, but he’s pleased to find out that it involves as much spinning as it does in all the teen movies he’s seen. The only thing missing is a slow motion montage of all the fittings, complete with Simon spinning happily and Jace applauding at his beauty.

“Looks good,” Jace says, accompanied by a thumbs up.

Simon has to say he agrees. The jeans are tight, yes, but in a very flattering way. He doesn’t usually think of himself as particularly attractive, but these jeans definitely… enhance some of his features in a very nice way.

“Okay, I’m getting these too,” he decides. There’s a giddy smile on his face. “You know, it’s actually really fun to indulge yourself.” He starts shimmying out of the jeans as he speaks.

Jace hums in agreement, but his eyes are locked on a shirt still hanging next to him. It’s an inky black shirt with glossy elbow patches. He glances at Simon. “Didn’t you like this one?”

Simon cranes his neck to see the shirt, and shrugs. “It’s really cool, but it’s a bit big on me.”

Jace pouts his lips in thought. He stands up and pulls his t-shirt over his head in one fluid motion.

Simon gapes at him. He’s seen his best friend shirtless many times considering they live together, but it always seems to knock the wind out of him.

Jace doesn’t take any notice of his flustered friend. He slips the black shirt off its hanger and starts pulling it on.

It’s a weird situation, with Simon not wearing any pants and Jace not wearing a shirt when they’re alone in such a small space.

Jace looks at himself in the mirror. He tugs a little on the hem of the shirt and cocks his head to the side. “What do you think?”

Simon nods quickly.

The shirt looks almost unfairly good on him. Nowhere close to how it looked on Simon.

While they are similar sizes, Jace’s shoulders and chest are a lot broader than Simon’s. Where the shirt hung just a smidge too loosely on Simon’s shoulders, Jace fills it out perfectly. The fabric stretches over the muscles and accentuates them. He turns 90 degrees and looks at his reflection over his shoulder. His shoulder blade pokes out against the fabric.

Simon coughs. “Yeah, it looks… it looks great, man.”

Jace hums. Then he smiles abruptly. “Okay, I’m getting it. We’re indulging, right?”

“Right.”

They change back into their own clothes in a blur of bare chests and exposed legs which Simon tries very much not to dwell on.

As they step out of the dressing room, Jace is holding both his and Simon’s items.

Simon gives him a quick onceover, and then he snatches the inky black shirt out of his grasp.

Jace looks at him with a confused frown. “What are you doing?”

Simon grins, clutching the shirt to his chest with one hand and scrambling to reach his wallet in his pocket with his other. “I’m paying for this.”

“Dude, I told you––” Jace tries, but Simon immediately shakes his head.

“Nope, if you get to treat me, I get to treat you,” he says, and then he straight up runs away.

He heads towards the cashout register. On his way, he passes a rack with colorful socks.

He grabs a pair with cute baby penguins on them and then keeps running. He can hear Jace running after him, but because of his head start he’s the first one to get to the finish line.

His breathing labored, he falls against the counter and shoves the items in front of him. The poor woman working the register looks confused and slightly alarmed. He tries to smile reassuringly but it just makes her look even more sceptical.

Still gasping, he flips through his wallet and takes out his credit card. He has just slid it into the pin machine when Jace skids to a halt next to him.

“I’m paying!” he wheezes, and tries to push Simon out of the way, but he holds his ground.

“No,” he says firmly. “You pay for those, and I pay for this.”

He keeps his elbow pressed back against Jace to give himself some space, and then punches in his pin. Jace keeps struggling to get to the pin machine, even though he knows in his heart of hearts that he’s lost.

“I’m sorry about him,” Simon says sweetly to the woman, giggling slightly.

“Don’t apologize for me, you asshole,” Jace grits out, still trying to push past Simon. When that doesn’t work, he starts tickling him, despite _knowing_ that Simon isn’t ticklish.

The woman seems to have realized that they’re not actually fighting, because she’s smiling now. As she rips off the receipt and hands it to Simon, she says, “You guys make a really cute couple.”

Both Jace and Simon, who just a second ago had been laughing and pushing at each other, still. At first they stare at the woman, and then they exchange shocked looks.

Something stirs in the pit of Simon’s stomach, but he ignores it.

“Oh, no, no, we’re not–– we’re not dating,” Simon says with a nervous laugh. “We’re just, just buddies. Pals, you know. Best friends.”

“Oh I’m sorry! You just looked very… close. Sorry for making assumptions.” She smiles apologetically, but the damage has already been done.

Simon steps aside so Jace can pay for his stuff. Well, for Simon’s stuff.

He swipes his card, the payment clears and he pockets his wallet. They both say goodbye to the poor cashier, and then leave the shop.

Simon holds out the small shopping bag to Jace. Jace gives him his in return.

Jace peers inside it and frowns as he sees the socks. He picks them up and turns them over in his palm. Glancing up at Simon, he smiles.

Simon just grins at him.

“Consider it an early Valentine’s gift.”

 

**DAY 5**

Simon is hanging out in their room while Jace is off studying with some friends. He’s on his bed, awkwardly leaned back against the wall with his feet hanging off the edge of the bed and his neck uncomfortably bent as he looks down at his phone.

He knows he should change positions but he’s too lazy to actually do anything about it. He’s been scrolling through his Spotify playlist for the last ten minutes without being able to settle on any one song for more than a few seconds.

He doesn’t look up when Jace walks in, because he simply doesn’t see him. There’s a deep frown on his face as he opts out of yet another playlist and moves on to the next.

It’s entitled “J.”.

A small smile tugs on his lips as the first song starts playing. It’s his favorite song at the moment.

Suddenly the bed dips and he looks up quickly. Too quickly, in fact, because he ends up banging his head against the wall.

He groans and clutches at his neck. “Fucking hell.”

Jace laughs as he sits down next to him. He gently cups the back of Simon’s head, as if trying to soothe the pain there.

Simon freezes up at first, but soon leans into the touch. He scooches up the bed a little to spare his aching neck, and incidentally leans into Jace’s cupped hand even more.

Jace eventually draws back his hand and glances at Simon’s phone. “What are you listening to?”

Simon looks between him and the phone, and holds up the screen so Jace can read.

“Years & Years, huh?” Jace grins. Without asking permission, he takes one of the earphones.

They listen in silence for a few moments. Their thighs are perfectly lined up and their knees bump together sometimes when Simon’s leg bounces to the music. Jace doesn’t seem to be disturbed by it.

When Simon looks over at him, Jace’s eyes are half closed and he’s smiling ever so slightly. Something blooms in Simon’s chest, and he looks away. He fixes his gaze on a ripple in the wall paint on the wall opposite his bed.

 _Ties_ turns to _Gold_ turns to _Desire_ as they sit there in companionable silence. Simon can feel Jace’s body heat radiating off him and merging with his own. He finds himself tempted to try out the knee-to-thigh technique Jace taught him yesterday. His nerves get the better of him.

As the last vocals of  _Desire_ die out, Jace pulls the earphones out of both of their ears. Simon looks at him with a frown.

“Today,” Jace says, and his voice is a good octave lower than it was before. It makes Simon snap to attention immediately. “We’re practicing kissing.”

Simon’s lips part in surprise. “W-what?”

Jace seem surprised too, as if the words had just slipped out of him before he could stop them. He quickly recovers though and now he looks as determined as ever.

“Yes,” he says. “It’s Sunday. Valentine’s is in two days. I thought you could use some experience.”

Simon blinks. Oh.

“Uh, okay. Okay, yeah. If you–– if you think so.”

Jace shifts onto his knees and turns towards Simon, who still has his back against the wall. He can feel Jace’s eyes on him and shyly turns his head slightly, only so much that he can meet Jace’s gaze.

Jace’s eyes flicker down to his lips and then his tongue darts out to wet his own.

Simon is pretty sure he’s about to pass out. There’s so many feelings inside of him bursting to come out and he can’t name even half of them.

“Okay, so uh, how do we––” Simon asks, his voice cracking slightly. He clears his throat. “What do we… do?”

Jace grins. “Well, I guess we gotta kiss.”

He’s slightly taller than Simon just by default and now that he’s folded his legs beneath him he’s got another inch on him as well, which means he has to kind of look down at Simon, and Simon in turn has to tilt his head up a little.

He’s not sure when or how it happened, but suddenly Jace’s hand is resting against the side of his neck and his thumb is tracing Simon’s bottom lip.

Simon’s lips are slightly chapped and the anxiety luring right beneath the surface immediately pounces on the opportunity to shame him. What if his lips puts Jace off? What if he pulls away because Simon is just so horrible and also because his lips are like a goddamn desert? What if––

Then Jace is kissing him.

His best friend of many years is kissing him. Right now. That’s a thing that’s happening, in real life, right now. To him, Simon Lewis, of all people.

He doesn’t know how to respond. His brain is telling him to play it cool because this is just practice. This is not real. Whatever is happening right now, in his heart, is not real. He can’t move, can’t do anything, because then Jace will _know_.

But the rest of him just really, really wants to grab Jace and pull him on top of him. He wants to feel every bit of Jace as they kiss harder and harder, until one of them has to lean back to breathe and they just smile at each other before diving back in for more. He wants to dig his fingers into the soft skin on Jace’s hips as he pushes down against Simon’s touch. He wants to taste and touch every inch of Jace, and draw out moans that no one has ever heard before.

It’s fucking terrifying.

He’s pretty sure his brain just shuts down because he doesn’t remember anything from the kiss itself. All he can remember is the look on Jace’s face when he first leaned in –– a mix of anticipation and nerves –– and then the way it felt when the pressure disappeared from his lips and Jace was gone.

It felt like heartbreak.

**DAY 6**

The kiss yesterday was like a wake up call. It was a lightbulb going off, a penny dropping. It was the emotional equivalent of being slapped in the face with a brick.

Simon is in love with his best friend. He’s in love with Jace. He probably has been for a long time, but he hadn’t realized it until yesterday.

The thing about having an unrequited crush on your roommate is that it’s impossible to get away from them. Especially if you’re also best friends and you never go more than a day without talking to each other.

He had managed to sneak off early in the morning to get breakfast on his own and then a full day of classes separated them, but now it’s 4pm and he’s returning to their dorm room. His whole body feels like cement and every step feels like walking on burning coal.

He doesn’t know how to face Jace. He doesn’t know what to say, or how to act. How do you pretend like everything is okay when you’ve found out that you’re helplessly in love with the guy who is trying to get you laid?

Because that’s the other issue. Today is the last day of Jace’s dumb boot camp and Jace hasn’t divulged what the last lesson is yet, but since the second to last one was ‘kissing’, Simon is terrified of what’s in store for today.

He’s not sure he can see Jace, let alone talk about intimate things with him, without totally breaking and telling him everything. About how he feels, about how Jace makes him feel, about how he’s totally not straight and he’s kind of known for a while but he didn’t really know until Jace kissed him.

But he can’t say any of that. The point of this thing was for Simon to ask out a girl on Valentine’s. A _girl_. Jace only wanted to be a good friend, and this is how Simon repays him?

He feels horrible, and gross, and wrong. Not because Jace is a boy, but because he’s Jace.

Jace used to date Clary before she figured out she was a lesbian, and Clary is basically Simon’s sister. You can’t date your sister’s ex, even if she’s a lesbian. It’s just not done.

Or at least that’s the version of reality he clings to because as painful as it is, it’s at least better than the alternative which is accepting that Jace doesn’t want him because he’s him. Not because of his gender or because of his family, but because he is him and Jace doesn’t love him.

He stews in his own unhappiness until half past 4 when Jace comes back from class. When he opens the door, Simon is laying on his bed with his earphones in and his eyes closed. He’s listening to his “J.” playlist again.

Just like a few days ago, he feels the bed dip. He opens his eyes, and there he is.

It’s incredible how different a person can look just because the onlooker has a different perspective than before.

He’s always known that Jace is attractive, of course, but now he really knows it. Like, on a molecular level. He notices the 5 o’clock shadow on his jaw, the tension in his shoulders, the deep pink of his lips.

The almost electric attraction sits in his bones and urges him to act on it, but he can’t. He won’t let himself.

Jace lays down next to Simon on the bed. Just like last time, he’s nestled between Simon’s body and the wall, and their arms are pressed together.

Simon takes out one earphone and says, “How was class?”

Jace shrugs noncommittally. “Fine.” He glances at Simon. “Missed you though.”

Simon just waves it off, and scrolls aimlessly through his phone as a way of distracting himself. “I wasn’t feeling it.”

Jace hums and doesn’t say anything else. They lay in silence for a while and Simon wonders if this is where a Christian would pray to God for help.

It would’ve been neat if that’s how it worked in Judaism too, but it isn’t. At least not for Simon. He doesn’t believe in a God as such, like God is some metaphysical being in the sky. Instead he believes in an all-encompassing divinity that lives in everything. It’s a lot harder to ask for help from an all-encompassing divinity, though.

Suddenly Jace sits up. He crosses his legs and places his hands in his lap, rubbing the side of his left index finger between his thumb and right index finger. He looks anxious, which is not a common look for him.

Simon sits up too, suddenly very worried. “Are you okay?” He’s tempted to reach out for Jace’s hand, but he doesn’t.

Jace looks up with tiny frown lines on his forehead. “Oh yeah, I’m fine. It’s… yeah.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I think I’m just gonna get this over with.”

It’s Simon’s turn to frown now. “What do you mean?” His worry isn’t exactly lessening.

“I like you,” Jace blurts out. He looks up from where he’s been staring at his hands and when their eyes meet, it’s like a shock goes through Simon’s body. It’s electric and intense, and wholly unexpected.

“I really like you. I think you’re nice and funny and really cute. I know this is out of the blue, but… I was wondering if you wanted to go out on Valentine’s? You know, be my Valentine as the kids say?”

Simon’s mouth slips open. His eyes are wide and seeped in shock, and his whole body is stiff and unresponsive.

It’s like his whole body shuts down for a minute. Is this real? Is this happening? Is Jace returning his feelings? Is this––

He starts laughing.

“Ohhh, you’re roleplaying.” He nods to himself, trying to convince himself. “You’re doing that ‘pretend I’m your date’ thing again, right? Very smart, very smooth. Lesson learned.”

He tries to act casual about it, but inside his heart is shattering into a million pieces. He wanted to believe it was real. He wanted to believe so bad and for a second, he did. For a second, he was almost happy.

At peace.

But it was all pretend. That was the deal, that was what he had signed up for. He was stupid for ever believing that could change.

He heaves himself off the bed, still chuckling forcibly. “Really good dialogue, very good impersonation of me. You really got the anxiety down, you know.” He’s still smiling in the most uncomfortable way and unless Jace suddenly lost the ability to both see and hear in the past minute, he must be aware of how devastated Simon is.

Simon doesn’t want pity. He doesn’t want Jace to feel bad for him and to ask if he can make it better somehow. He doesn’t need the added humiliation. All he needs is to walk away and lick his wounds.

“Well, thanks for the advice, man,” he says, essentially backing away as he speaks. “Super helpful. Definitely gonna use it tomorrow. With Maia, or Izzy, or–– well not Izzy, she’s gay. But maybe Lydia, or Maureen, or–– you know, we’ll see. Exciting stuff. Yeah. Thanks.”

He’s backed himself into the door. The doorknob makes itself known by stabbing into his lower back.

He smiles through the pain.

Jace tries to say something for maybe the third time since his little demonstrative speech, but Simon won’t give him the space to do so. He can’t bear hearing what he has to say.

“Well I’ll talk to you later then,” he says, and backs out through the door, only his head still visible. “Bye bye.”

And then he’s gone.

  
**DAY 7**

Simon doesn’t return to their dorm room that night. Instead he texts Jace that he’ll be sleeping over at Clary’s, which is in fact what he ends up doing, after hours upon hours spent wandering around New York and indulging his emotional suffering.

He has barely walked through the door to her room when Clary grabs him by the shoulders and says in a concerned voice, “What’s wrong?”

It’s incredible how quickly she picks up on his bad moods. Well, it’s usually incredible, because normally he’s very good at hiding how he’s really feeling.

Now? Not so much.

He’s reeking of pining and suffering, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that Clary picks up on it.

She guides him to her bed and gently guides him down on it. Then she grabs a bowl of popcorn that were already popped when he got there, and shoves it in his hands.

And so it is that he spills his heart out to his best friend. One of his best friends. The best friend he isn’t in love with.

He tells her everything, because what’s the point in trying to lie? She sees through him every time.

He tells her about the boot camp, of Jace’s promise to teach him his dating secrets, of the kiss and the realization that it isn’t simply friendship between them anymore. He talks about shared smiles and innocent touches and other not-so innocent ones.

As the clock strikes 1 am, she smacks him over the head with the back of her hand.

“Ow!” he cries out. “What’s that for?”

“You fool,” she says, half compassionate and half incredulous. “Are you really so blind you can’t tell when someone’s into you? When your best friend is into you?”

Simon looks at her with disbelief in his eyes. “But you’re a lesbian, Clary.”

She smacks him again, although not as hard. “Not _me_ , dumbass. Jace!”

Simon scoffs. “That’s ridiculous.”

She fixes him with a glare.

And she glares, and glares, and glares. Minutes pass and she doesn’t say anything. She just looks right into his soul.

“Oh my god,” he says finally. He sits up, his eyes wide.

She throws her hands out like ‘ _duh_. It’s so obvious’.

But it’s not obvious. At least not to Simon.

He shuffles closer to her, as though they’re sharing a secret no one else is allowed to hear.

“But… how–– how do you know? Did he tell you?”

“He didn’t have to,” Clary says simply. “Anyone with eyes can tell, Si.”

“Well I can’t!” he exclaims, his voice raising an octave.

“You also didn’t know I was gay for the first 14 years of our friendship.”

“Touché.”

She smiles at him, and takes his hand. “I know this isn’t easy, but you seem to really like him. Maybe it’s worth the risk.”

“I do,” Simon says quietly. He doesn’t dare look her in the eyes out of fear of seeing his own insecurities reflected back at him, so he focuses on their entwined hands. “I really, really do.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure he likes you too,” she says gently.

Simon shakes his head. He’s trapped in some weird limbo where it suddenly seems entire possible that Jace would reciprocate his feelings, while it still being the most impossible thing in the entire world. Nothing makes sense.

“Oh, honey,” Clary whispers.

He hadn’t even realized he was crying.

He lays down with his head in her lap and she slowly cards her fingers through his hair as silent tears roll down his cheek.

He doesn’t know what to say, or think, or do. Should he confront Jace about it? Should he make some grand declaration of love? Should he just ignore it and hope his feelings go away?

There are so many possibilities and his head is hurting trying to sort through them.

“Can I do anything to help?” Clary asks, still stroking his hair.

He sniffles. “I don’t know. I’m so confused.”

“I know, honey.”

One of the best things about their friendship is that they always know what the other needs and right now, Simon just needs to be held and comforted, so that’s what Clary does for him.

He falls asleep around 2:30 AM, and Clary drifts off sometime after that.

When he wakes up early the next morning, they’re spooning on top of the covers in Clary’s bed. Her arms are around him and he awakes with a gentle feeling of security.

He slowly rubs sleep out of his eyes and gently pries himself out of Clary’s grasp. He heads to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth.

Valentine’s Day.

Today is the day.

He has finally made a decision. He’s not sure what changed between last night’s anguish and now, but the very instance consciousness claimed him this morning, he knew what he wanted to do. What he needed to do.

He leaves Clary a note saying he’s left, and then he heads back to his and Jace’s dorm room.

He opens the door as quietly as he possibly can, just in case Jace is still asleep. The darkened room is eerily quiet, just as the empty hallways of the building was at this hour.

It’s barely 6 AM and close to no one’s awake yet. As a result of a student campaign, the campus has issued a half day, which means classes won’t start for another few hours. Naturally all students have taken the golden opportunity to sleep in. Everyone but Simon.

Jace, for example, is still sleeping. His covers are thrown halfway off the bed and he’s on his stomach with one leg hanging off the side. His mouth is slightly open and he’s snoring softly.

Simon finds himself longing to lie down next to him and spoon him.

He doesn’t, though. Instead he carefully puts the discarded covers back over Jace, and then toes off his shoes and crawls into his own bed. His cold, starched bed that is normally his safe space feels unwelcoming and foreign now.

He thinks about when Jace kissed him on this very bed. He thinks of Jace’s hand on his thigh, his hand in Simon’s at the club, his gentle fingers massaging his neck after Simon hit his head against the wall.

All this time, and he had no idea. It seems so obvious in retrospect.

Of course he’s in love with Jace. The way he feels about Jace is not how people usually feel about their friends. Not even their best friends.

And Simon really should have figured that out sooner, because he has _two_ best friends. The way he feels about Clary and the way he feels about Jace could not be further from each other, and yet he never stopped to think that maybe that was because one of them wasn’t platonic.

An hour goes by while he lies in bed and thinks about Jace. It’s amazing, really, how long he can entertain himself simply by thinking about Jace and his hair, his eyes, his smile, the way his back muscles flex when he puts on a shirt…

Simon is in the middle of a very pleasant fantasy involving Jace in nothing but black boxer briefs when he hears the bed on the other side of the room creak.

He props himself up on his elbows and peers over at Jace’s bed. He can’t see Jace through the darkness, so he’s relying on sound.

The gentle creaking of Jace’s bed is the only sound in the otherwise silent room. Eventually Jace whispers, his voice raspy with sleep, “Simon?”

Simon is silent for a second and then says, “Yeah.”

Jace doesn’t say anything else. Simon imagines that he, too, is staring into the darkness for a glimpse of the other person.

“I’m sorry,” Simon says finally. The words come out in a whisper as soft as the silky darkness around them.

He waits.

And waits, and waits.

Then he hears the shuffling of fabric and the soft padding of feet on carpet.

Now it’s Simon’s bed that creaks as Jace sits down on the bedside.

Simon sits up and brings his knees up to his chin.

“Hi,” Simon says quietly, because he can’t think of anything else to say.

He knows exactly what smile Jace is wearing, even though he can’t see it. It’s his insecure smile, the one that manifests itself as a lopsided little twitch on the left side of his mouth.

“Hi,” Jace echoes. His voice still carries traces of sleep and Simon is trying his hardest to not focus on how utterly adorable that is.

“So…” Simon says slowly. He decides to jump in headfirst. No fear, no hesitation. “I talked to Clary and she thinks you like me.”

It’s a stupid, middle school thing to say. He knows that. But at least it’s out there now. He’s not hiding it any longer.

Silence stretches between them. Simon can feel Jace awkwardly shuffling around trying to move so they’re not physically touching. Simon feels a little hurt, but soldiers on.

“Is she right?” he asks gently.

He’s not sure where all of this bravery came from. Last night he was ready to just give up and come to terms with the fact that he and Jace would never be together, but something changed. Maybe it’s because it’s Valentine’s, maybe it’s just sheer luck, or maybe Simon has finally decided that his anxiety is not a good enough reason to give up his chance at happiness with his dream guy.

Either way, here he is. Putting himself out there, laying his heart on the line, and so on.

But Jace always wins, even when he’s not even playing the game.

He opens his mouth and a velvety ocean of confessions come rushing out of him in one breath. He talks about history and emotions and nights spent together under the stars and lazy Sunday afternoons spent watching Netflix from the same bed and the maybes and almosts in their 12 years of friendship.

He talks about kissing his ex-girlfriend and wishing it was Simon, breaking up with said girlfriend because he realized she could never replace Simon, and wanting and longing and pining for Simon every day for the past few years.

He talks about being with Simon and wishing every day that this was the day he would pick up the courage to confess his feelings, that this was the day his suffering would turn into joy.

And Simon just sits there, nestled in the darkness, listening to Jace talk and talk and talk until his throat is sore and he can’t bring himself to utter another word.

When that moment comes, Simon is trembling like a leaf as he reaches out and takes Jace’s hand. He breathes a sigh of relief when Jace squeezes back.

The sun has started to rise and a soft peachy light is filtering in through the shades.

“I thought you were just doing me a favour,” Simon says. They’re speaking in hushed voices, as if raising their voices even slightly could shatter the delicate bubble they’re in.

“I mean, I was,” Jace says. “I never thought anything would happen.” He looks down at their intertwined hands. “I really just want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me.”

Simon has to almost physically pull himself back to stop himself from kissing Jace right then and there. Jace is really emotionally vulnerable right now. Heck, so is Simon. It’s not the right time for passionately making out, no matter how much he wishes that were the case.

“Well, same,” Simon says.

Jace runs his thumb over Simon’s knuckles, and smiles. He looks up at Simon under his eyelashes. “I really like you.”

Simon grins despite himself. The words rolling off Jace’s tongue is like music to his ears.

And speaking of tongues.

“I really want to kiss you,” Simon blurts out.

They’ve been talking for at least an hour at this point and ever since he got back from Clary’s, he’s been dying to kiss him. Well, actually, he’s been wanting to do that for a lot longer than that, but the longing is a lot more intense when the object of your affection is sitting cross-legged in front of you, your knees touching, and said person is holding your hand in his.

Jace chuckles, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead his hand slips out of Simon’s grasp like water flows between your fingers. His fingertips graze against Simon’s jaw as he slides his hand to his neck.

Simon leans into his touch with an inaudible sigh. He looks up at Jace, whose eyes haven’t left him. Simon’s breath hitches in his throat when Jace’s eyes drift down to his lips. When a pink flash of tongue dips out to lick across his lip, Simon decides he’s had enough.

With no warning he leans forward and captures Jace’s lips in a kiss.

It’s careful at first, inexperienced and curious more than anything. Jace’s lips are slightly wet and the kiss is off-center. The hand on the back of Simon’s neck pull him in closer, and there’s not a cell in his body that wants to object.

At first Simon tries to focus on every little detail and sear it into his memory. He has little to no memory of their first kiss and he’ll be damned if he fails to remember this one too. But it’s suprisingly difficult to keep a clear head when you’re being kissed by the man of your dreams.

When they part, Simon blinks his eyes open. His vision is hazy as he resurfaces after the best first kiss he’s ever had. He’s kissed some girls before but no boys before Jace. At least not while sober. And even if he had, he doubts they could measure up to this kiss.

There’s a post-kiss glow on Jace’s cheeks that makes Simon’s stomach twist with desire. His eyes are closed for a good ten seconds longer than Simon’s, and when he finally opens his eyes, Simon is struck again by this man’s sheer beauty.

His long eyelashes, his slightly parted mouth, his hand still on Simon’s neck. It’s all too good to be true and yet somehow, it is.

“Wow,” Simon breathes.

“Yeah,” Jace agrees with a laugh. He’s smiling now, big and wide and so beautiful that Simon’s heart threatens to explode.

Before he can stop himself, he’s kissed Jace again, and this time he’s not planning on stopping anytime soon. He leans in closer and closer still, and licks at Jace’s bottom lip.

Jace quickly picks up on the change of pace and parts his mouth for him. Simon happily takes advantage of this and maps out the contours of Jace’s mouth, his hand settling on Jace’s thigh. It seems to have a good effect because it pulls a noise from Jace that sends a spark through Simon’s entire body.

Simon grabs a fistful of his hair and tugs experimentally. This has an even grander effect as Jace drops his head back slightly and _moans_.

Simon takes a moment to just soak it all up and then he dives in and latches onto Jace’s neck. He’s all teeth and tongue as he makes his way up the column of his neck, up his jaw, and back to his mouth.

Jace looks at him like he hung the moon in the sky. He guides Simon closer by the hand on his neck and presses their lips together. Teeth and lips and tongue and everything. This kiss is everything.

Simon never wants to resurface, he never wants to stop this. He wants to spend the rest of his life here, on this bed, with the soft peach hues surrounding them and Jace’s mouth warm against his.

Jace seems to think along the same lines because he starts working them down onto the bed. Never leaving his lips, he slides his hand under Simon’s head and lowers him onto his back.

Simon goes willingly and pulls Jace on top of him.

It makes for a slightly awkward angle since Jace is taller than him, but neither of them cares. Simon will happily crane his neck to kiss Jace as he cards his fingers through Simon’s hair. His hand is still on Simon’s neck, massaging the back of his skull as if trying to soothe the inevitable ache there from the less than perfect position.

But Simon doesn’t care about pain. He doesn’t even feel it. His entire body, mind and soul is honed in on Jace and the way he kisses him, and touches him, and the way their bodies are perfectly lined up.

“I like you so much,” Jace gasps against his lips, and Simon just grins because it’s the best thing he’s ever heard anyone say, ever.

“I like you too,” he whispers, so quietly that only Jace and the sunlight can hear him. “So much.”

He can feel Jace’s smile against his lips as he dives in for more. Mouths sliding together, teeth clashing followed by hoarse laughs, bodies pressing together.

It’s everything Simon has ever wanted and judging by the flush look on Jace’s face whenever they pull apart to breathe, the feeling is mutual.

Simon couldn’t stop smiling even if he wanted to. For once in his life, everything seems to turn out alright.

Jace is kissing him and sighing against him, his hand roaming down Simon’s side and touching any inch of exposed skin he can find. Wet kisses are given and taken, with fond glances and quiet laughs in between.

It’s incredible, Simon thinks suddenly, that his body is thrumming with something other than anxiety for once. In its place is desire and, dare he say it, love.

He doesn’t think before acting, which he always does otherwise. With Jace, he can let his body take over and let his mind rest. It’s an incredible feeling.

He can feel Jace laughing into his hair as Simon’s peppering kisses along his jaw. He pulls back slightly and look up at him, frowning slightly. A small flicker of worry flares up in the pit of his stomach, but it’s effectively stomped out by Jace’s next words.

His voice his hoarse and his otherwise pink lips are kissed red. He looks over at his bed on the other side of the room and says, “I can’t believe a week ago you asked me to help you get a date right on that bed,” he points to his bed, “and today we’re making out on yours.”

Simon grins. “Life is funny, isn’t it?”

They smile at each other for a few moments, simply basking in their shared happiness.

Simon skims his hand down Jace’s side, and settles right beneath his ass. Jace looks pleasantly surprised.

“I can’t reach your thigh,” Simon explains, “and an expert once told me that no one could resist a thigh touch. I figured the back of your thigh was better than no thigh.”

Jace starts laughing and it’s the most angelic sound Simon has ever been blessed enough to encounter. He’s always loved Jace’s laugh, but there’s something particularly beautiful about it right here, right now, when he’s lying on top of Simon and smiling down at him.

“If only I’d known then that I’d be lucky enough to have my own move used against me,” he says with a playful grin. “But that move is for pre-game, you know. You don’t really need it when you’re already at first base.”

Simon rolls his eyes. “I was just trying to be funny, you asshat.”

Jace bursts out laughing. “‘Asshat’? Christ, Simon, we really need to work on your trash talk.”

Simon can’t even pretend to be annoyed because Jace said we, as in you and I, as in the two of us are dating.

He pulls Jace down and kisses him, immediately working his tongue against Jace’s.

Jace keeps laughing against his lips, but he still kisses back. It’s tender and intense at the same time.

Simon thinks to himself that he should suggest a quick break to cool off, but then one kiss turns into five turns into ten turns into twenty, and before he knows it Jace is pushing him into the mattress and rubbing their clothed dicks together. His back arches as he grinds down against Simon, who arches his back in return to create more friction between them.

Their breathing is harsh and quick as they work up a quicker and quicker pace. Moans are exchanged and swallowed by kisses.

When Simon feels the tension coil and build in his stomach, he groans and pushes weakly at Jace’s shoulder.

Jace, who was working a hickey into Simon’s neck, pulls back immediately and looks down at him in alarm. “Is something wrong? Do you want me to stop?”

Simon shakes his head quickly, and squeezes Jace’s hand to reassure him. “No, no, nothing’s wrong. It’s just…” He blushes. “I’m getting…. close, and–– we haven’t even talked about what we are, you know? I don’t want to…” He sighs, and looks down at their intertwined hands. “I don’t want to go too fast.”

Jace’s index finger tilts his jaw up slightly, encouraging him to look at him. When Simon complies and looks up, Jace says, “We can go as slow as you want. Whatever makes you comfortable.”

Simon smiles a little. He can tell that Jace truly means it.

He leans up to press a soft kiss to Jace’s lips.

Jace sits back on his heels and then falls back onto the bed next to Simon, their hands still entwined.

They lie in companionable silence for a while; Jace absentmindedly playing with Simon’s fingers, and Simon just enjoying lying there with Jace.

As minutes go by, he feels his eyes starting to droop.

Guiltily, he forces himself to keep his eyes open. Jace must have noticed, because he gets off the bed –– with increasing difficulty –– and jogs over to the light switch. He turns off the lights and goes back to the bed, carefully climbing over Simon to nestle himself back into the same spot as earlier.

Jace kisses him softly and says, halfway to a whisper, “Nap time.”

Simon grins, his guilt easing a little.

“And then when we wake up, we’re gonna have a long, hard, intense,” Jace pauses for effect, “conversation about our emotional needs.”

Simon giggles and pushes at his shoulder. “I can’t believe I like you.”

Jace just laughs, angelic as always. “And yet somehow, you do.”

“I do,” Simon says softly.

They share another smile, and then Jace turns onto his side, facing the wall. Simon slides up behind him, hugging him tight. Their bodies lign up perfectly together.

Simon presses a kiss to the back of Jace’s neck, and then lays his head down on the pillow. Jace takes his hand and intertwines their fingers on his stomach.

They simultaneously let out a sigh of content, which makes them both giggle.

They soon drift off to sleep, cocooned in the warmth under the blankets, both entirely content with the promise of a softer tomorrow.


End file.
